Why can't I lose weight?

I don't quite understand what's going on. How can I be working out on average 2 hours / day, eating 1600 cals / day and not lose weight? That seems to defy logic. And completely pisses me off. I was religious all last week about figuring out my calories, eating a nutritarian diet, and getting in my workouts and by Sunday (yesterday), I was up 1 pound from the weight I was last Sunday. Really ... I don't understand!

I am feeling incredibly discouraged. I know this is the THE way I should be eating, but why am I not able to lose these excess pounds? It's not like I don't have weight to lose. It may not be a significant amount, but I can pinch way more than an inch around my waist and know I can be smaller (I was 10 pounds less just 5 years ago, for example, and even less 10 years ago).

What gives?

I feel like I'm always starting day 1

I am still trying to adopt ETL, with mixed success. I had a really good, solid 2 weeks recently, but then screwed it up this week with a few days where I went way off-plan and binged on SAD food. I don't understand why I keep doing this to myself. It's very frustrating! I FEEL better eating food that's good for me, I KNOW it's better for me -- so why don't I just do it already?!

I thought about what was working for me during the past two "good" weeks. This is what I came up with:

• Was completely honest. Logged all of the food I ate, then posted it to an accountability support website I'm a part of. Somehow having to report back to people really kept me accountable.


• Kept a counter of the binge-free days. I hadn't made it past 1 week in a long time and was able to make it past that by keeping track of the days. Seeing a running counter made me not want to break my streak. I would like to make it to that magic 21-day => habit mark.


• If I had a slip-up (and there were some), told myself it was not a big deal, that I'm doing the best I can, and immediately got back on track. I need to do this so I don't give up and binge.

Onward...

Would you date a vegan?

I'm trying online dating, which is making dates somewhat challenging. It is one thing if you're vegetarian, because you can almost always find something on the menu, without drawing too much attention. But I feel that sticking to strict ETL, it is hard to order anything but a salad. I don't come out and tell people I am "vegan" or even "vegetarian" because I don't feel that I am. I'm a nutritarian, but hardly anyone knows what that means!

Most guys I meet claim to "love to eat", and seem disappointed that they can't take a girl out for pizza and burgers. I would never ask anyone to eat the way I do, just to respect my choices as I do theirs. But I get the impression they feel judged for their choices.

I went out on 2 first dates recently -- one to a burger joint and another to a brewery. I had a burger at the burger place and felt horrible about it afterward. But I had justified it in my mind. I didn't want to seem "different" or "weird" when it's already so difficult for me to meet guys to begin with. I didn't want to provide a reason for someone NOT to date me. That sounds silly as I read it. My logical side says that I shouldn't be compromising my values and that I shouldn't date anyone who doesn't accept who I am anyway. Uh huh. A bit easier said than done.

The upcoming weekend

The weekend is coming up and there are going to be some challenges... friends are coming into town tomorrow night and we're supposed to have breakfast and dinner together on Saturday. They already told me they want to check out this Mexican place for the breakfast burritos and split them all between us so we can "try them all." I don't know what the plan is for dinner but it will be out and the choice will most likely be decadent. On Sunday, my family is celebrating Father's Day early because my dad will be visiting his dad next weekend. My sister and BIL are serving smoked ribs, that they prepared for another BBQ last month and are very proud of (they just bought the smoker). They have asked everyone to bring sides so I plan on bringing a salad, roasted vegetables, and a low-fat fruit crisp... mostly so I can be sure there will be something I can eat! I really do not want to eat ribs and would like to stick to a somewhat reasonably close to ETL-plan but I'm not sure how without everyone giving me grief and bothering me about it. They already think I'm weird with the huge amount of vegetable consumption I eat.

I know I should just stick to my guns if I'm really committed, but it's much easier said than done.

Why do I keep falling?

I haven't posted in a few days because yep, you guessed it, I have been bingeing again. I hate that I do it, but sometimes I feel as if it is the only way to escape from the stress. And the last few days have been pretty stressful. Overeating is comforting... and it is sick.

Right now I feel very calm. I don't want to eat anymore but I know this feeling will pass. I am addicted to fat, sugar, and salt. Unfortunately, unlike drug and alcohol addicts, I can't completely abstain from food. I'm afraid of what will happen tomorrow when the calm is gone. I'm afraid that I'll find myself in the kitchen again, searching the cupboards for anything edible, stuffing my face with more and more food. My body will scream "Stop!" and that I am full but something inside me ignores it and says "I'm hungry -- keep eating!"

I know what I need to do. I have to face the problems and stress in my life and find another coping mechanism. I need to take care of myself and remember that eating doesn't solve anything. Actually, it just makes things worse. I know all this but it's easier said than done.

I don't know when I'll stop this madness but I hope it is soon.

The morning after

Confession: I have a bit of an eating problem. I have a tendency to binge. I'll save the history for another day but presently, it is a problem I'm working on. It's gotten better and I understand it more, but I haven't conqured it yet. Instead of dealing with reality, I eat to escape. It masks the loneliness, the painful emotions, heck, even the boredom! It's become a coping mechanism for me... except that it has horrible consequences. I feel miserable afterward and of course, this only contributes to weight gain. People have asked me (and I'm sure more have wondered) how I can do the amount of exercise I do and STILL not be thin... well, what they don't know is that I'm hiding this secret.

As you can guess, that's what I did on Saturday.

Today I have one goal: eat without bingeing. I am going to a brunch in a little bit where there will be zero ETL-friendly food (ethnic brunch) so I'm going to try not to stress.

Day 7

I don't know how to handle social situations... the guys wanted to go to breakfast after the bike ride and then I went and had Indian food with friends for dinner. I don't like to draw attention to my strange eating habits and just shared in the food they ate.

8:00 am - bagel, hummus on the side

9:00 am - green smoothie: 2 oranges, 2 kiwis, 1 T flax seed, some strawberries, 8 oz cauliflower stems

12:30 pm - salad: romaine heart, 1 roma tomato, 1 small avocado, 1 green pepper, the rest of the hummus from breakfast, 2 oz roasted, salted sunflower seeds
- 1 apple

5:00 pm - 1/2 bag (5-6 oz?) edamame

7:30 pm - Indian food: 1 piece naan, some vegetarian curry, some rice, 1 samosa, dried fruit, 1 piece chicken

E - bike: 1:10