Breaking the cycle

I've been having a hard time lately. Ever since I took a trip about 2 weeks ago, I've been eating SAD food and haven't gotten back to ETL like I should be. I'm discouraged. I usually start the day with good intentions. I wake up full of hope, generally get a workout in, have a healthy ETL breakfast and ETL lunch. Sometimes, I'll even make it through dinner, having a hearty ETL dinner of greens and beans.

But then something happens. I start to feel uneasy and have "cravings." I mentally battle this and know logically FULL well that they are just cravings and will pass. How can I be hungry -- I just ate! But I give in! What the heck! I start to eat whatever it is I'm craving -- generally either salt or sugar -- and then I feel like I've "blown it" and might as well start again tomorrow. But in the meantime, I'll just continue to eat crap!

TOTALLY ILLOGICAL.

It disturbs me that I can be successful in so many other areas of my life (career, relationships, etc) but can't seem to get a handle on something so simple as eating.

I'm tired of this cycle. But I'm not sure how to break it.

Why do I keep falling?

I haven't posted in a few days because yep, you guessed it, I have been bingeing again. I hate that I do it, but sometimes I feel as if it is the only way to escape from the stress. And the last few days have been pretty stressful. Overeating is comforting... and it is sick.

Right now I feel very calm. I don't want to eat anymore but I know this feeling will pass. I am addicted to fat, sugar, and salt. Unfortunately, unlike drug and alcohol addicts, I can't completely abstain from food. I'm afraid of what will happen tomorrow when the calm is gone. I'm afraid that I'll find myself in the kitchen again, searching the cupboards for anything edible, stuffing my face with more and more food. My body will scream "Stop!" and that I am full but something inside me ignores it and says "I'm hungry -- keep eating!"

I know what I need to do. I have to face the problems and stress in my life and find another coping mechanism. I need to take care of myself and remember that eating doesn't solve anything. Actually, it just makes things worse. I know all this but it's easier said than done.

I don't know when I'll stop this madness but I hope it is soon.

The morning after

Confession: I have a bit of an eating problem. I have a tendency to binge. I'll save the history for another day but presently, it is a problem I'm working on. It's gotten better and I understand it more, but I haven't conqured it yet. Instead of dealing with reality, I eat to escape. It masks the loneliness, the painful emotions, heck, even the boredom! It's become a coping mechanism for me... except that it has horrible consequences. I feel miserable afterward and of course, this only contributes to weight gain. People have asked me (and I'm sure more have wondered) how I can do the amount of exercise I do and STILL not be thin... well, what they don't know is that I'm hiding this secret.

As you can guess, that's what I did on Saturday.

Today I have one goal: eat without bingeing. I am going to a brunch in a little bit where there will be zero ETL-friendly food (ethnic brunch) so I'm going to try not to stress.