November 10

I'm really trying to get off my sugar/salt addiction so when the cravings hit, I've been allowing myself snacks of ETL-friendly food. In this case, it's been fruit. I didn't need the apple in the afternoon but I was fighting the urge to go by the admin's candy dish. I also didn't necessarily need to eat more after I came home from class at 10:30 pm, but I was feeling "snacky", in the middle of making green smoothies for the next day, and afraid I'd dive into some unhealthier habits so I allowed myself to eat more fruit. It's probably not going to help with weigh-loss, but so far, it's helping with bingeing!

B - green smoothie: 1 T flax, kiwi, strawberries, 6.5 oz kale
- 2 large fuji apples

L - large salad: romaine lettuce, 1/2 medium avocado, 1/2 cucumber, 3/4 cup black beans, 1 small tomato
- a lot of large seeded grapes (maybe 30?)

S - 1 lg fuji apple

D - steamed broccoli with tomato sauce
- 1 persimmon, 1 date, 1/3 bag frozen berries and cherries

E - bike: 0:40, run: 0:10

Weekly Goals: Nov 9 - Nov 15

I have to do everything in baby steps. It's the only way I won't get overwhelmed and the only way to stay focused. The main problem I need to address is the bingeing. Sure, I could blame emotions, stress, triggers, people, but in the end it's my choice to do it. Food has no power over me. Logically, I think I understand the problem now. I only do it at home -- alone -- and nowadays, it is always in front of the computer. It's my "wind down" time. I just veg out and internet surf. It's like mindless eating in front of a TV, except I do it in front of the computer. I cringe writing that.

It's just a BAD HABIT.

And any habit can be broken. I need to train my brain to do something else instead to wind down. I've thought of a few steps I can take in the right direction so here's what I'll focus on this week:

• NO eating in front of the computer. That's it. It's a rule that I can't break.


• Brush and floss my teeth right after dinner. I won't eat more because I'm too lazy to brush and floss again!


• Read my ARC after dinner and anytime I'm tempted to binge.


• Look at the list of things I could do instead of eating.

November 9

So uncreative with the titles, but since I'm not doing the strict 6-week plan I don't know what else to title this. I'm not sure how long I'll be posting food logs, but I'll give it a go again for now.

Some good things I did today: Today someone brought in their leftover Halloween candy where it sat in the kitchen ALL day long. I was really tempted to take a few treats ("They're tiny, one won't do any harm!" said the inner evil voice) but didn't. Whew!

I was really hungry around 4 pm and decided to snack, knowing I wouldn't be able to eat dinner for another 3 hours. I was planning on going to the market after work and was afraid if I was too hungry, I'd end up buying junk and worse, eat it in the car on the way home.

I had planned on eating more for dinner but was surprisingly satisfied after the salad. Hmmm... I must still be full from the overeating this past weekend. All in all, I think it was a good day!

B - green smoothie: 1 T flax, kiwi, strawberries, 6.5 oz kale

L - large salad: romaine lettuce, apples, pears, walnuts
- 1 large fuji apple

S - about 16-20 large seeded grapes

D - salad: romaine (I weighed it today - it was 13 oz), 1 roma tomato, 1/2 large avocado (weighed this also for fun: 1.25 oz), 1/2 cucumber, about 2 T hummus, 1.5 cups garbanzo beans
- mango

E - swim: 1:10

Here I am again.

I didn't stop ETL-ing -- just stopped posting. Life got in the way of that. I did some triathlons in between and just finished up the last one this past weekend. Now race season is over and it's officially "Fat Season." I'm determined to make it "Fat LOSS Season." Hah. How awesome would it be to end the year off lighter than I am? I still think ETL will get me there, but is it too much wishful thinking that I could get to goal by the end of the year? That would be the best Christmas gift I could give me!

If I'm brutally honest, I've been about 60% successful implementing ETL. I've had many starts, stops, and hiccups along the way. I bet if I can move that closer to 90%, or heck, even anywhere closer to 100%, I'd be doing better. The one thing that seems to be throwing me off is the emotional eating. I am still bingeing and overeating when stressed out. I want to break these bad habits once and for all.

This is part of the reason I am posting again. Posting gives me accountability and anything I can do to make myself accountable is one step further from those bad habits.

I weighed in earlier this week at 119 lbs, which is less than I've been since I started this blog. Only a little more than 10 lbs and I'll be at Fuhrman's recommended weight.

I feel like I'm always starting day 1

I am still trying to adopt ETL, with mixed success. I had a really good, solid 2 weeks recently, but then screwed it up this week with a few days where I went way off-plan and binged on SAD food. I don't understand why I keep doing this to myself. It's very frustrating! I FEEL better eating food that's good for me, I KNOW it's better for me -- so why don't I just do it already?!

I thought about what was working for me during the past two "good" weeks. This is what I came up with:

• Was completely honest. Logged all of the food I ate, then posted it to an accountability support website I'm a part of. Somehow having to report back to people really kept me accountable.


• Kept a counter of the binge-free days. I hadn't made it past 1 week in a long time and was able to make it past that by keeping track of the days. Seeing a running counter made me not want to break my streak. I would like to make it to that magic 21-day => habit mark.


• If I had a slip-up (and there were some), told myself it was not a big deal, that I'm doing the best I can, and immediately got back on track. I need to do this so I don't give up and binge.

Onward...

Some good, some bad

After the workout this morning, one of the guys handed out homemade chocolate chip cookies to the group. He was bragging about how he (not his wife) made them and I felt bad refusing one, so I took it. I immediately put it away and didn't eat it. That was a success! But I couldn't throw it out. I took it to work with me where it sat on my desk. The entire day!!! I should have thrown it away... but at least I didn't eat it.

As a "compromise", around 4 pm when I really started thinking about eating the cookie, I had some seeds instead. Too many, but again, at least the cookie remained uneaten.

Tonight was a dinner out with the girls. I was very concerned about this since I didn't want people commenting about how I eat. I don't know why I care! No one should care about what I eat. I had an interesting discussion with a close guy friend before I went. I asked if he ever thought about what he ordered at a restaurant when out with people and if he ever felt socially pressured to eat a certain way. Nope, he said. What is my problem?

I didn't choose the best item -- I know I had way too much salt today, and I did cave and have some french fries. I feel like I am always saying this, but it could have been worse... could have ordered a real burger with blue cheese dressing, fries, and a Coke, which is what one gal had... oh and a brownie sundae with ice cream!

during workout: 1 GU

9:00 am - green smoothie: 1.5 kiwis, some strawberries and blueberries to make the total fruit content about 8 oz, 1 T flax seed, 7-8 oz kale, 2 oz pom juice

12:30 pm - large salad: romaine lettuce, baby carrots, 1/2 small avocado, 1 roma tomato, 1/4 cucumber, 3/4 cup black beans, casinera's caesar dressing

4:00 pm - 2 oz RS sunflower seeds

6:30 pm - social dinner out: veggie burger on whole wheat bun (dry) with lettuce and tomatoes, handful of french fries

E - bike: 0:50, run: 0:15

Here we go again...

9:00 am - green smoothie: 1.5 kiwi, some blueberries to make the total fruit about 8 oz, 1 T flax seed, 7-8 oz kale, 2 oz pom juice

12:30 pm - large salad: romaine lettuce, handful baby carrots, 1/2 small avocado, 1 roma tomato, 1/4 cucumber, 3/4 cup black beans, casinera's caesar dressing (about 1/8 recipe)
- 1 medium organic gala apple

6:30 pm - blended salad: mostly kale, with some raw cabbage (maybe 4 oz total), 1 T sesame seeds, dregs of a bag of sunflower seeds (maybe 1 tsp)
- 2 huge bowls of blanched broccoli and cabbage with tomato sauce (this had a little salt)

8:30 pm - frozen berries

E - swim: 1:05