6 Weeks

I started thinking about today's date and I realized that time is ticking away and I really need to get my nutrition down pat. I do NOT want a repeat of last year where every long race I did, I had nutrition problems. I need to nail down my optimal eating plan well ahead of time and figure out my race day nutrition.

I have never been able to successfully finish a 6-week period of ETL. I end up not doing it "perfectly" and then give up. I've been thinking about trying again but am (1) afraid of failure and (2) there is always some excuse why NOT to do something. I'm going away next week, it is X's birthday celebration this weekend, the holidays, etc. I'm tired of excuses. I am not perfect and won't ever be. Now is as good a time to start as any. On a WEDNESDAY no less! Not Monday, not the 1st of the month - right now.

As Emily has said, "100% perfection is totally different from 100% committment."

So I'm committing to 42 days. Will it be perfect? I don't know but I will stay 100% committed. I will log everything honestly for 42 days. I'm not always able to get to a computer (I'll be gone for a few days traveling next week, for example) but it IS possible to travel and eat ETL.

It's just 42 days!

I bit the bullet

After weeks of using my food processor to make chunky green "puddings", I caved. I was at Costco with the intention of just "looking" at the Vitamix. I didn't know if I'd find what I was looking for. I couldn't find one in the appliance section. And even if they had one, I wasn't sure if it would be the $650 package they sold on their website which included a lot of extras I didn't need.

But after picking up the groceries I needed, I stumbled upon a Vitamix demo! They were selling the unit alone (no extras) which is exactly what I wanted. Plus, they were running a "special" so the price was $400. Is the Universe trying to tell me something? I immediately told the woman I wanted one.

"Have you seen my demo?" she asked.

"Nope," I said.

"Well, stay, and at least watch the demo! It'll give you some tips on how to use it."

I did, and she showed me how to make:

• a green smoothie: Certainly I've had my share of making green smoothies while trying to incorporate ETL. But what caught me by surprise was that she added WHOLE chunks of fruit. I watched her drop a piece of cantaloupe (seeds included, but no rind), a quarter of an apple (stem and seeds included), seeded grapes, an orange (she barely peeled the outside rind and most of the white pith and seeds, if there were any, were included), and half a banana (no peel). I didn't know all those seeds were edible! It made me feel better about the grapes since I often am too lazy to spit out the seeds.
• "ice cream": I've done this before also in my old blender, but this version was smoother. It was mostly frozen fruit but she added protein powder to it. Yuck!
• tortilla soup: Spinning the blades fast enough will boil water! That was pretty cool. The soup was too salty but I was impressed at how easily the blender handled the hot liquid. I've had hot soup explode on the walls using my previous blender.

While I'm certainly excited about trying out my Vitamix, I am feeling a bit guilty about spending so much money. I don't mind making the investment when I know the machine will be worth it and I'll get tons of use out of it but that has yet to be proven. I hope the dream machine lives up to the hype...

Awareness

I've been listening to old Jillian Michaels podcasts and even though I mostly completely ignore the nutrition information, she has some great tips on getting your mind in a better place. One thing I really like about her is that she's not just about fitness. She incorporates the mind aspect of it, which is the biggest thing I struggle with.

The podcast I listened to today talked about breaking negative patterns/habits and stopping the negative self-talk.

Guilty and guiltier.

These patterns are so ingrained in me that it's often difficult to even realize I'm doing it to myself. It can easily progress very quickly from one slip-up to horrible things I would never tell anyone. It generally starts like this:

I eat something I wasn't supposed to.

"Oops"

"I can't believe I ate that"

"What is wrong with me?"

"I failed again!"

"OMG I am an utter FAILURE and am NEVER going to be able to do this!!"

Yes, overly dramatic, but that's how my mind works sometimes. The trick (or so I've read) is stopping the behavior somewhere -- ANYWHERE -- in the cycle, acknowledging it, and starting again.

Now that I'm more aware, I'm going to try to stop the cycle.

A rough few days

I've had a rough few days. I binged on a few of them and am now beating myself up over it. I don't really want to get into it because I also know that staying positive is one of the keys to beating this. Focus on what you want! I need to constantly remind myself of the reasons WHY I am changing my eating habits. Nothing is worth the momentary pleasure I get from eating junk food. It can't be better than the awful guilt and feeling of failure I feel afterward.

Today I'm mostly back to normal. I had some snacks in between meals which isn't ideal, but this is still a step in the right direction. I also battled tons of cravings today.

I bought mustard greens this week because they were cheap and looked better than the other greens but WOW - they are pungent! I've bought them from the supermarket frozen before and never had problems eating them but I couldn't stomach these raw, or even lightly steamed. They're just so bitter! I'm not sure what I can do with the rest of them to make them more palatable....?

B - green smoothie: 7 oz bok choy, 1 large orange, 1 kiwi, strawberries, 1 T flax

S - mojo bar before exercising

L - salad: romaine/cabbage, baby carrots, 1/2 red pepper, 1 tomato, 1/2 medium avocado, 1/4 large cucumber, 3/4 cup black beans, nut-based ETL-dressing

S - 1 oz sunflower seeds

D - mustard greens and tomato sauce, 5 date rolls

E - swim: 1:15, weights: 0:45

January 13

I was hungry a lot of the day again. I'm looking forward to the point where I am not counting down the hours until the next meal. I'm not entirely sure how this is supposed to work.. On one hand, Dr. Fuhrman says we shouldn't eat until stuffed - just until satisfied. But if I don't eat enough, I don't feel like I can make it to the next meal without feeling "starved" for the next meal. We're not supposed to eat by the clock either, just eat when hungry. But I eat breakfast at 8:30 or 9 am and feel hungry by 11 am a lot of days. I usually try to wait until 12:30 or 1 pm, but then the period between 1 pm and 6 pm is torture. By 4 pm it can get ugly. I'm sure part of it is boredom but today I sincerely felt hungry!

Today was one of those uglier days. I gave in and had some snacks. Strangely enough, I swam after work this evening, and started feeling light-headed and a little woozy... almost as if I hadn't eaten in a while. Toxic hunger maybe? It didn't make sense since I should have had more than enough calories from the snacks!

On a good note, I'm happy I didn't let my "slip-up" spiral out of control. Far too many times, I've thrown in the towel and let one imperfection "ruin" a day and then proceed to continue eating whatever I wanted all day long.

Had a huge amount of food for dinner. Was looking for some kind of dessert in the house (chocolate!!) but luckily, there was none to be found. I ate a lot of frozen berries, but I figure it is better than chocolate.

B - green smoothie: 7-8 oz bok choy, 1.5 oranges, 1 kiwi, 1 T flax seed, a little (less than 8 oz) coffee

L - salad: cabbage/romaine, 3/4 cup black beans, 1/3 cucumber, 1 tomato, baby carrots, 1/2 orange pepper, nut-based ETL dressing

S - 2 oz RS sunflower seeds, 2 fig newtons

D - 16 oz cooked mustard greens and "cheeze" sauce; 3 raw zucchini and tomato sauce; a lot of frozen berries/cherries

E - weights: 1:00, swim: 0:45

Feels like hunger

I keep thinking I'm hungry.

All.
The.
Time.

It's kind of annoying! I don't actually think I am, but I think I am used to feeling very full. Overeating meant always feeling satisfied and comforted.

Fuhrman says we should eat until "just satisfied" which is what I've been trying to do. This is not something I have mastered yet though. A few hours after I've eaten, I feel like it's time to eat again. I have to continually ask myself if I'm truly hungry. I think I'm restless and looking for something to do. It's an uneasy feeling.

B - green smoothie: 7-8 oz collards, 1 T flax, strawberries and blueberries
- small (12 oz?) soy latte

L - salad: romaine/green leaf, 1 tomato, 1/3 cucumber, 3/4 cup black beans, baby carrots, 1/2 green pepper, 1/2 small avocado, nut-based ETL dressing

D - cooked cabbage and broccoli with "cheeze" sauce (a lot!), about 3/4-1 cup lima beans (didn't measure - eyeballed)

E - bike: 0:50, run: 0:30

January 11

I'm so sore today! Weights really kicked my butt yesterday. I felt good doing them but apparently I am still out of shape. The pool felt good this morning at workout but maybe I got into the wrong lane. I opted for a "faster" lane since the "slower" lane had way too many people in it. Somehow I ended up trying to keep up with the leader but he was way too fast for me. I thought he was going to lap me during the 800! I had to keep reminding myself that half of these people (yes that means you, Mr. Lane Leader) are probably not triathletes which means they don't have tired legs from biking and running over the weekend like me.

Yeeeeah, that's definitely why I can't keep up.
Definitely.

B - green smoothie: 7-8 oz bok choy, 1 T flax, 1 kiwi, 1.5 oranges,
- small (12 oz?) soy latte

L - salad: romaine/green leaf, 1 tomato, 1/3 cucumber, 3/4 cup black beans, baby carrots, 1/2 green pepper, 1/2 small avocado, nut-based ETL dressing

D - rest of the cauliflower-peas-collards curry with rest of the spinach (pretty small amount of stew with a lot of slightly steamed spinach)
- cabbage and broccoli with "cheeze" sauce
- 2 cups lima beans

E - swim: 1:10