May 5, 6

I was at the Boy's house last night and got back too late to log. Definitely some mindless eating yesterday shortly after lunch though. I didn't get enough sleep the night before and I can tell I wanted to eat even though I'm wasn't really hungry. I was just looking for something to do to keep me awake at work. I had also found a fruit and nut bar in my desk drawer around 11 am and quickly consumed it because I was feeling hungry again and wanted something before going to the gym at lunch. I don't feel too guilty because of course it could be worse and I am proud that I still went to the gym. Often, I would have given into temptation and then think that I've already blown it, and continue down the wrong path for the rest of the day (and not exercise)... here's yesterday's food:

1. green smoothie: 1 orange, big handful of strawberries, 8 oz mixed collards and parsley, 1 T flax seed

2. fruit and nut bar

3. salad: romaine, baby carrots, 1/2 cup pinto beans, 1/2 cucumber, 1/2 avocado, dijon pistachio dressing + 3 loquats + 10 Chinese dates

4. small 1.5 cup salad: broccoli, spinach, cabbage with rest of the orange-peanut dressing; then at Boy's house: 1 can kidney beans + 1/3 bag frozen spinach + 1/2 beer

5. swim: 0:50, weights: 0:30

We had to run a 5K for the track workout today. That was very tough for me. I got lapped not once but TWICE by the fastest guy. My time was too horrible to even mention. I had a heart-to-heart discussion about it later with the coach. He told me it's all in my head. He thinks I'm not mentally where I should be and that I don't believe in myself. He says he's seen me run fast at practice but I'm not racing like that. I am capable of more. When he said that, I felt like crying.

He wasn't being mean, just honest and trying to be helpful. He gave me some things to work on. Our training group is small so I feel like a lot of times there is no one for me to run with. It is either the older, heavier men or the super fast girls. There are super fast guys as well but they are so far out of my league I hardly see them (except when they lap me more than once!). Coach thinks I should be able to run with the super fast girls. Or at least TRY to. He wants me to chase them down and hang with them as long as I can, even if it means burning out later. So that's the goal... run fast to get fast.

Today's food was not great. No bingeing, thankfully, but lots of snacking and not the right kind. I definitely overate as I feel very full now.

1. green smoothie: 1 orange, big handful of strawberries, 8 oz mixed collards and parsley, 1 T flax seed

2. salad: romaine, baby carrots, 1/2 cup pinto beans, 1/2 cucumber, 1/2 avocado, dijon pistachio dressing + 10 Chinese dates

3. clif bar

4. Great Greens + 1 cup fresh fava beans + soy crisps (1/2 bag!!!) + a lot of dried fruit

5. run: 0:50, swim: 0:30