Day 20

I was sore yesterday, but not too much today. Once I got on the bike though, I knew I was still tired from the race. I kept the quality high and did the best I could.

I had a snack of sunflower seeds today, knowing that I was going to the grocery store after work and not wanting to be there famished. I know that I won't keel over and die from hunger (I've got plenty of fat stores!) but I fear going to the store too hungry will be tempting and I'll make impulse purchases.

I found some notes on when I was doing well with ETL back in December. It was 2 weeks worth of notes and food logs. I could see that none of the days were perfect, but that I maintained a positive attitude throughout. I mentioned the good things I had done for the day, and how I was feeling good about eating this way.

I was in a happier mental state in December, but this shows that I CAN do it and serves as a gentle reminder to focus on the positive.

9:00 am - green smoothie: mixed fruit (leftover fruit salad from weekend party), 1 T flax seed, 7 oz kale

1:00 pm - salad: 1 roma tomato, 1/2 red bell pepper, 1/2 cucumber, 1 small avocado, romaine lettuce

4:00 pm - 2 oz sunflower seeds

7:00 pm - 4 cups boiled cabbage and collards, handful of almonds, 2 dates

E - bike: 0:45, run: 0:20

Day 19

I thought about it some more, and I really have to commit to doing this. I can't just be wishy-washy and log some days and not other days. I know there will be times I will stray but I will try to minimize them. I can do anything for 23 days.

Also, I need a better way to gauge how I'm doing, instead of the "pants test." So, it is with reluctance, that I will finally start stepping on the scale. I have avoided it because I am dreading seeing just how much damage I've done to myself since March. I am hoping this will be motivating, rather than demoralizing. I will weigh-in this Friday.

9:00 am - green smoothie: mixed fruit (leftover fruit salad from yesterday's party), 1 T flax seed, 7 oz kale

1:00 pm - salad: 1 roma tomato, 1/2 red bell pepper, 1/2 cucumber, 1 small avocado, romaine lettuce, carrots

6:00 pm - vegetable and bean soup, 1/2 cup rice, stir-fried vegetables

E - swim: 1:00

Still here!

I haven't disappeared, I promise. But I have had one heck of a week. I co-hosted a double baby shower and also raced so this week has been very hectic. Both events were today so I am feeling relieved that everything is done!

I have been so-so with my eating but obviously, not logging. Back to reality tomorrow. I'm not sure that it can still count as the "6 week plan" with all the breaks I've taken in between. I wonder if I should stop counting days or start over?

Day 18

Today has been a better day. Mondays always seem to have that "fresh start" feeling.

10:30 am - green smoothie: 12 oz mixed fruit (oranges, mango, strawberries, blueberries), 8 oz mixed greens (mystery greens and bok choy), 1 T flax seed

1:00 pm - salad: romaine, basil, tomato, carrots, cucumber, red pepper, 1 small avocado, 1 oz sunflower seeds

7:00 pm - tofu soup dish, 1/2 cup brown rice, collard greens

Bad Habits

I binged last night and again this morning. Yesterday was a bad episode. I realized I wasn't even hungry but did it anyway. It's not about hunger. Food comforts me in some way that nothing else can. Or rather, I haven't found anything else that works just as well. Sure, I think about the things I CAN do instead (e.g. clean, sleep, call someone) but I always reach for food.

I disliked writing that paragraph because it sounds so dramatic. Logically, I should adapt a no-nonsense approach. These are all just bad habits -- the way I "always" reach for sugary items when stress hits and the way my thoughts gravitate towards, "I'll never succeed at this." But habits CAN be broken.

In a desperate move, I picked up Beck again. I've read through and done some of the program before but never made it all the way through. She says in the book, "If your doctor gave you an antibiotic, would you only take half of the pill?" No, right? So why do anything half-heartedly?

I'm going to go through some of the exercises again in an attempt to change my distorted thinking. Bad habits can be broken!

Day 17

I haven't been bingeing, but I have been overeating... and not logging as I should be. I had to work late the last couple of days and had so much stuff to do once I got home that I didn't log onto the computer. So I'm also sleep-deprived! Not good. I am going to start setting an alarm 1 hour before I should be going to bed to make sure I stop whatever "project" I'm doing and start getting ready for tomorrow.

I was feeling very bleh and cranky this morning. Nothing particularly bad has happened, but I think I am just frustrated and sleep-deprived. I'm frustrated with myself that I can't seem to stick with this consistently and that I've let myself get to this point. I remember this every time I pull up my pants -- which is whenever I go to the bathroom... which is quite often because I drink a lot of water! I am also reminded of this on days that I work out with the group. It's a small group of triathletes and everyone seems very fit and lean. I'm fit, but maybe not so lean. The faster people also tend to be the leanest and I can't help but wonder.. if I was leaner, would I be faster?

But it's best not to dwell on negative issues so here's the positive for today: despite all of the frustrated thoughts going through my mind, I drank my green smoothie for breakfast (it was a true struggle -- I seriously considered pulling over and getting some kind of bagel on the way to work), I stuck with my salad for lunch, and I had some vegetables for dinner. Not perfect, but could be worse. And now, I'm going to bed!

9:00 am - green smoothie: 6 oz peaches and nectarines, 1 T flax seed, 6 oz kale

12:30 pm - salad: napa cabbage, lime, carrots, 1/2 red pepper, cucumber, small avocado, 2 oz sunflower seeds

3:00 pm - box (6 oz?) raspberries

6:00 pm - 1 cup blanched Chinese broccoli, boiled potatoes, a little peanut butter, 1 fun-size mounds bar

E - run: 0:50

What is it?

I bought several bunches of interesting-looking greens at a farmer's market over the weekend. The woman wasn't sure what a few of them were and the guy who seemed to know everything was busy at the time. I was in a rush to get somewhere so I didn't stay to find out. I was able to identify most of them but I still don't know what these two are:



Strong and bitter-tasting. Also tastes minty.



Tastes similar to spinach. Not as strong-tasting.

Any ideas??

Day 16

I ended up not logging my food over the weekend. I confess that I did eat some SAD food but it wasn't all bad. We ended up going to a vegetarian Indian restaurant on Saturday night. I want to get better at handling social situations like these, but this is a step in the right direction. Previously, I would have said, "Screw it," and have gone back to my regular patterns. Not this time.

9:00 am - green smoothie: 2 oranges, 1/2 nectarine, 1/2 peach, handful of blueberries, 1 T flax seed, 6 oz bok choy

1:00 pm - salad: mixed greens, baby carrots, 1 red bell pepper, 1 small avocado; 2 oz RS sunflower seeds

7:00 pm - blanched Chinese broccoli, about 4 cups
- soup with Napa cabbage and brocccoli
- cherries

E - swim: 1:10

The upcoming weekend

The weekend is coming up and there are going to be some challenges... friends are coming into town tomorrow night and we're supposed to have breakfast and dinner together on Saturday. They already told me they want to check out this Mexican place for the breakfast burritos and split them all between us so we can "try them all." I don't know what the plan is for dinner but it will be out and the choice will most likely be decadent. On Sunday, my family is celebrating Father's Day early because my dad will be visiting his dad next weekend. My sister and BIL are serving smoked ribs, that they prepared for another BBQ last month and are very proud of (they just bought the smoker). They have asked everyone to bring sides so I plan on bringing a salad, roasted vegetables, and a low-fat fruit crisp... mostly so I can be sure there will be something I can eat! I really do not want to eat ribs and would like to stick to a somewhat reasonably close to ETL-plan but I'm not sure how without everyone giving me grief and bothering me about it. They already think I'm weird with the huge amount of vegetable consumption I eat.

I know I should just stick to my guns if I'm really committed, but it's much easier said than done.

Day 15: Hungry all the time!

Four consecutive days down... but I am hungry more frequently than I would like. I haven't been able to not have a snack between lunch and dinner. I should hold off on lunch until later in the day so that the time between lunch and dinner isn't as long, but the feeling of hunger usually wins out. Today I didn't eat breakfast until 9:30 so I thought I could wait until at least 1 pm to have lunch. Nope. By 11:30, my stomach was growling. I caved an hour later. Then I tried to hold out again in the afternoon, but I also knew that I wasn't going to have dinner until later, so I went for some seeds.

Speaking of seeds, I need to go and buy my own unsalted, unroasted seeds and keep them at work instead of buying the pre-packaged 2 oz ones. They are roasted and unsalted and I usually eat the entire bag, which is 1 oz more than I need to be eating. A part of me is nervous about bringing in my own seeds because I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself and will eat them all. With the pre-packaged ones at work, I have to pay for them so I'm not likely to eat thousands of calories worth of seeds!

I am wondering if I need to eat more at breakfast or lunch, but I am eating until I'm satisfied...?

My smoothie this morning was bitter! I think I accidentally blended an orange seed into it. I was so hungry that it didn't matter and I finished it all anyway though. I still haven't experienced the "throat hunger" Dr. Fuhrman talks about.

8:00 am - (between workouts) 1 GU

9:30 am - green smoothie: 2 oranges, 7 oz watermelon, 7 oz bok choy

12:30 pm - salad: 1 romaine heart, 1 roma tomato, 1 small avocado, cucumber, baby carrots
- bowl of split pea and carrot soup

5:00 pm - 2 oz RS sunflower seeds, 2 mini pieces of chocolate

7:00 pm - swiss chard, tomatoes, artichokes mixture (1.5 cups)
- green beans, about 1-2 cups
- fresh fava beans, mmmmmm
- a lot of watermelon
- blueberries

E - bike: 0:55, swim 0:30

Day 14

I woke up this morning feeling very hungry so I ended up eating a leftover half of a powerbar from the weekend. I felt like I wasn't going to be able to sustain a "time-trial" effort if I didn't eat something... probably not the best choice, but it was convenient. I'm still trying to figure out how to eat while training.

5:45 am - 1/2 powerbar

8:30 am - green smoothie: 2 oranges, 7 oz watermelon, 7 oz bok choy
- 2 oz RS sunflower seeds

12:00 pm - salad: 1 romaine heart, 1 roma tomato, 1 small avocado, cucumber, carrots
- about 1.5 cups leftover steamed swiss chard/tomato/artichoke mixture

4:30 pm - (after swim): 2-3 cups watermelon

7:00 pm - 2 bowls split pea and carrot soup, 4 cups leftover swiss chard/tomato/artichoke mixture

(will probably have some fruit in a bit)

E - bike: 0:55, swim: 0:50

Day 13

I had an awesome workout this morning. No hints of injury coming on like I felt last week. Hurray! Maybe it was a simple matter of changing my running shoes out? I wrote the date on them with a Sharpie so I can remember to change them after 300 miles next time. Last week I felt my hip hurt, as it has been in the last month, and a new pain I hadn't felt before in my right foot. It reminded me of stress fracture pain, which I've had before. In worried moments like those, I remind myself that if I lost some weight, it would be less stress on my knees, hips, and feet. Another incentive to stay committed... and who knows, maybe I'd gain some speed!

Except for the tortilla chips, and the watermelon snack, it was a great eating day.

9:00 am - green smoothie: watermelon and strawberries (12 oz total), spinach and collards (6 oz total), 1 T flax seed

1:00 pm - salad: 1 romaine heart, 1 roma tomato, 1 small avocado, 1/3 large cucumber, handfuls of baby carrots
- 1 oz tortilla chips

3:00 pm - watermelon, a lot, 4 cups?

6:00 pm - steamed a mixture of Swiss chard, canned tomatoes, canned artichokes, garlic and lemon juice
- 1 bowl split pea and carrot soup
- 1 bowl blueberries

E - bike: 0:40, run: 0:30

Day 12

I needed a bit of a mental break over the weekend... plus it didn't help that I went to see friends in Santa Monica Saturday night and we went out for sushi. It's not the worse choice (nothing fried and no red meat!) but I'm sure Dr. Fuhrman would not approve. Sunday I got some much needed sleep and slept in. I really struggled mentally to get the workout in. It's much harder when it's (1) solo and (2) not done first thing in the morning. I kept thinking about all the chores I needed to do and that by the time I finished it would be 3 pm (it was a 2.5 hr workout). But I DID it... and I'm so glad I did! It set the tone for the day... instead of feeling guilty and feeding that by eating (my guess as to what I would have done if I didn't get it in), I managed to prep salad fixings for the week and get in some cleaning. I wasn't able to check off all the chores, but it was still a good day.

Fueling off the streak, I'm having a pretty good day today so far. I bought an entire watermelon and put some in my smoothie this morning. It was okay, but not particularly sweet and I think I might like other fruit mixtures better.

9:00 am - green smoothie: watermelon and strawberries (12 oz total), spinach and collards (6 oz total), 1 T flax seed

12:30 pm - salad: 1 romaine heart, 1 roma tomato, 1 small avocado, 1/3 large cucumber, handfuls of baby carrots
- about 1 oz whole wheat crackers
- watermelon, about 2 cups

7:00 pm - blanched Chinese broccoli (4 cups) with a bit of oyster sauce, 1/2 bag edamame, 3 cups watermelon

E - swim: 1:10

Why do I keep falling?

I haven't posted in a few days because yep, you guessed it, I have been bingeing again. I hate that I do it, but sometimes I feel as if it is the only way to escape from the stress. And the last few days have been pretty stressful. Overeating is comforting... and it is sick.

Right now I feel very calm. I don't want to eat anymore but I know this feeling will pass. I am addicted to fat, sugar, and salt. Unfortunately, unlike drug and alcohol addicts, I can't completely abstain from food. I'm afraid of what will happen tomorrow when the calm is gone. I'm afraid that I'll find myself in the kitchen again, searching the cupboards for anything edible, stuffing my face with more and more food. My body will scream "Stop!" and that I am full but something inside me ignores it and says "I'm hungry -- keep eating!"

I know what I need to do. I have to face the problems and stress in my life and find another coping mechanism. I need to take care of myself and remember that eating doesn't solve anything. Actually, it just makes things worse. I know all this but it's easier said than done.

I don't know when I'll stop this madness but I hope it is soon.

Day 11

Some unnecessary items for sure, but (1) did not binge and (2) had a smoothie for dessert.

6:00 am - powerbar

9:00 am - green smoothie: 1 T flax seed, 2 oranges, strawberries and blueberries (8 oz total), 1/2 cup soy milk, 6-7 oz mixed kale, collards, and cauliflower stems
- cherries, maybe 1 cup?

12:30 pm - salad: 1/2 big head of romaine, 1 small avocado, 1 roma tomato, 1/3 cucumber, 2 oz RS sunflower seeds

2:00 pm - 1 pc dove chocolate, fun size snickers bar

7:00 pm - Chinese broccoli, green beans, mixed vegetables and edamame
- smoothie made with strawberries, blueberries and soy milk

E - bike: 0:40, run: 0:30

Day 10

It's a new day and the start of a new month. I'm going to try to be more consistent with my logging.

9:00 am - green smoothie: 2 oranges, 8 oz combined strawberries and blueberries, 6-7 oz kale, collards, and cauliflower stems, 1 T flax seed

12:45 pm - salad: 1/2 head romaine, 1 roma tomato, 1/2 cucumber, 1 small avocado
- 1 cup creamy asparagus soup
- 1 cantaloupe

4:00 pm - 2 small gala apples

7:00 pm - braised tofu, 1/2 cup brown rice, Chinese broccoli, a few dumplings

E - swim: 1:00